In 7 hours Dad, Sue, and Morgan will be here. They were going to come last night but I had to work and they'd been driving forever so they stopped in Connecticut. I'm super excited to see everyone. I made the baby an early Easter basket. (Because I spoil him...)
In other news, my attitude is looking indefinately better. For a bit there I got a little depressed. I don't know if it was the dark, cold days or missing my family or lack of real conversation, but it seems better now. I went for a walk with J, Dan's dad, and we talked. He really does understand what it's like to be sad and not really know why. Not only is Dan wonderful, his family is as well.
Now I'm a little torn. I want to go back to Alabama and live on a nice big plot of land where everything is green and warm. I want to be close to my family so that I can be close when my grandmother passes, and watch Morgan grow up. I want to be close to my father and mend strained relationships with my mother. But now I'm torn. It's cold here and some days I feel like I don't know a soul. I feel as though this whole big city is cold and impersonal and it's just not right for me or my lifestyle. But is it right to ask Dan to leave his home and live with me? Wouldn't he be giving up as much as I would be? I thought about a comprimise, living somewhere in the middle so it's not so much of a trek to visit either family, but that would just be crazy. We'd both be in a town we didn't know, both be away from our families. Dan says he wants to go with me to Alabama, but I'll just bet if you asked that boy to jump off a building to keep me, he'd say he was happy to. Just a hunch.
All in all, good problems to have. Loving each other so much you both want to sacrifice. Not bad, not bad at all.
~M
PS I plan on peeing on another stick soon, I'll let you know when I do.
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Oh the conflict :( Hope you work out something with the Boston vs Alabama debate thats going on right now - even if you do have the love and support that you do, it doesn't change that you want to be somewhere else.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should try find something in Boston that makes you glad to be there? For you, and not for you boy, or your boys family. Give you something to hold on to till you've worked out the dissonance?
Happy thoughts, chicka! :)
Do people tell you often how brillant you are? Well, Elly, you are BRILLANT. That is something that I desperately needed to hear. I've always wanted to try yoga, maybe that's next for me.
ReplyDeleteMuch love your way!
Amanda